Help! My baby only sleeps on top of me
Picture the scene, you’ve just given birth to the most perfect human being (or beings) the planet has ever seen. They’re gorgeous and you can’t stop staring at them. And they’re soooo good! Sleeping and not asking for anything, just a little food every now and then. Fast forward 24 hours and the same perfect baby or babies has had a personality transformation. They want to feed constantly and the only place they’ll sleep is on you. Sound familiar?
It’s really hard. You’re sleep deprived and recovering from birth and could just do with a little sleep. But you’re terrified of falling asleep with your baby or babies in an unsafe environment. You’re also worried that if you keep letting them sleep on you they’ll grow into a child who can only sleep with their parents. Many parents experience this. First of all, in the early days it is way too early to be setting up habits that you may not want in the future. Second of all, there are children everywhere sleeping with their parents every night so don’t beat yourself up if that’s what you’re doing.
Why does your baby only want to sleep on a parent? Easy. They’ve just been born and they’re looking for the comfort, warmth and security of the womb. A parent’s heartbeat, scent and motion is comforting for them and helps to regulate their systems. This comfort is calming and a calm, relaxed baby who is full with oxytocin is far more able to grow their brains optimally than a baby whose systems are flooded with stress hormones.
But how can you make it easier to manage? Not so easy. Your baby will not want to sleep on top of a parent forever and this is just a phase, I promise. After feeding your baby it is really helpful for a caregiver to cuddle a baby for a further 20-30 minutes to help lull them into a deep sleep before putting down. Some parents also find putting something with their scent in a crib or cot helps to make it a more comforting environment for their baby. However, remember to remove anything from a cot once you’ve placed your baby inside to keep it a clear, safe sleeping environment.
A lot of parents really benefit from learning more about how their babies sleep and BASIS is an amazing resource for this https://www.basisonline.org.uk. The website also includes lots of information on safe co-sleeping. Plenty of parents find the only solution is to go with it despite plans pre-baby but, if you do co-sleep, ensure you are following guidance on doing it safely.
